Bar Parts
March 5th, 2011
Celebrity Sunglasses – Don’t Leave Home Without Them!
One thing about celebrities is that they never seem to leave home without their trusty pair of designer sunglasses. Whether they’re in a dark wine bar or out on the street at night it doesn’t seem to make a difference. They have become best buds, impossible to separate. In fact, given the Spears / Hilton incidents of late, celebrities are now more likely to leave home with a pair of shades than with underwear.
Confused? By delving into the complex and bewildering psyche of the celebrity mind, we try to answer this age-old riddle:
- So they don’t get recognised. You can’t expect these poor celebrity types to get recognised by mobs of insane fans every time they go down the local shops can you? Human facial recognition is mainly based around the eye area – that is a proven fact of science. Clearly celebrities have researched this fact, and stay incognito by covering up their eyes. And you thought they were all smiles and no brain cells!
- So they do get recognised. There are certain species of celebrity that actually desire attention of passers-by on the street, and use their designer sunglasses to achieve this. Some resort to wearing the most ridiculous attention seeking bug-eyed goggles. Others have actually based their image around their glasses. This latter syndrome is known as the Bono factor, named after the mens glasses icon and aging U2 frontman for his trademark luminous wrap-arounds.
- To protect themselves from flash photography. The number one predator of the simple celebrity is the vicious and merciless paparazzi – its natural for celebrities to think about defending themselves. These natural enemies are drawn in swarms to the bigger celebrities in particular. One of their chief weapons is their enormous flashing bulbs, used to temporarily blind their prey and gradually weaken their already damaged eyeballs (see point 5). Sunglasses are in fact a crucial evolutionary defence against this threat.
- To cover up the state of their eyes. You may not have thought it, but this is in actual fact a measure to protect us, the general public. If we were exposed to the true state that celebrity eyes end up in after all night binges and long term sun damage, we’d be so horrified that our entire view of the world would crumble around us. Yes, ladies’ glasses of the rich and famous are there for our sake. Take my word for it.
- Drugs make your eyes hurt. The intense responsibility and pressure that society places on the celebrity species leads them inevitibly to drug abuse. Chemicals like tetra-hydro-canabinol (found in marijuana) and the opiate compounds in heroin, create significant dilation of your pupils. The humble and seemingly harmless street light are in fact a painful health hazard for the celebrity eye. Don’t begrudge them their sunglasses.
I hope now I’ve made you think twice before tutting under your breath next time you see a hollywood star sporting ridiculously unneccesary shades in pitch black conditions.
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